Is it all in the face?
As we approach Independence Day, I ran across a prose poem that I wrote a decade ago titled “Is it all in the face?” At that time, I was naïve in many ways and sadly enough and as much as I thought I have wised-up, I remained naïve. I allowed my emotions and not my logic control my life. As a consequence, I have suffered tremendously and I am fully to blame because I have read what Dahesh wrote about certain issues, yet I chose not to take his words and had to find out for myself the hard way.
I expected “true” friendship to exist in this world, yet I saw only fragments of its existence. Here is what Dahesh wrote about friendship followed by my prose poem:
“O innocent friendship, by God, inform me in what horizon do you dwell [exist]?”
“When you begin to doubt the closest of people to you, only then that you begin to understand the truths of the universe and its hidden secrets.”
“I used to think that I have found a loyal friend and companion who is free of any ulterior motives and interests, however soon after, I was shocked by the horrific reality and I found myself deceived…”
“A wise person is he who keeps the most critical matters from the greatest friend he believes in. There comes a day where this friend turns into an enemy that seeks to destroy his old friend….”
Is it all in the face?
I saw a man, whose face had a smile, and I said to myself:
"Here is a man that can be trusted, for the face reflects the serenity of his soul."
As I got to know this person better, he turned out to be my own brother Cain...
I saw a man, whose face was very solemn, and I said to myself:
"Here is a man that has been through a lot, and if I become his friend, I may be able to return the smile to his face."
As I got to know this person better, his wounds healed and his pains forgotten, and unfortunately, so was I...
I saw a woman, whose face was so beautiful, and I said to myself:
"Here is a person that has no problem finding friends, for her face acts as a magnet."
As I got to know this person better, I realized that her heart was full of scars--from all the people that worshiped her face and not her soul...
I saw a woman, whose face was so mean, and I said to myself:
"Here is a person that scares me to death, for that mean face could only translate into pain to those close to her."
As I got to know this person better, I realized that her heart is sweeter than honey, and I now envy all those that are privileged to be near her...
I saw more and more faces, and then I said to myself:
"You have been wrong over and over again...when will you learn not interpret the human form that tends to distort the true nature of the soul?" Oh I wish my soul is formless and living amidst other formless souls, where only genuine feelings can be shared...
July 4, 1997
I expected “true” friendship to exist in this world, yet I saw only fragments of its existence. Here is what Dahesh wrote about friendship followed by my prose poem:
“O innocent friendship, by God, inform me in what horizon do you dwell [exist]?”
“When you begin to doubt the closest of people to you, only then that you begin to understand the truths of the universe and its hidden secrets.”
“I used to think that I have found a loyal friend and companion who is free of any ulterior motives and interests, however soon after, I was shocked by the horrific reality and I found myself deceived…”
“A wise person is he who keeps the most critical matters from the greatest friend he believes in. There comes a day where this friend turns into an enemy that seeks to destroy his old friend….”
Is it all in the face?
I saw a man, whose face had a smile, and I said to myself:
"Here is a man that can be trusted, for the face reflects the serenity of his soul."
As I got to know this person better, he turned out to be my own brother Cain...
I saw a man, whose face was very solemn, and I said to myself:
"Here is a man that has been through a lot, and if I become his friend, I may be able to return the smile to his face."
As I got to know this person better, his wounds healed and his pains forgotten, and unfortunately, so was I...
I saw a woman, whose face was so beautiful, and I said to myself:
"Here is a person that has no problem finding friends, for her face acts as a magnet."
As I got to know this person better, I realized that her heart was full of scars--from all the people that worshiped her face and not her soul...
I saw a woman, whose face was so mean, and I said to myself:
"Here is a person that scares me to death, for that mean face could only translate into pain to those close to her."
As I got to know this person better, I realized that her heart is sweeter than honey, and I now envy all those that are privileged to be near her...
I saw more and more faces, and then I said to myself:
"You have been wrong over and over again...when will you learn not interpret the human form that tends to distort the true nature of the soul?" Oh I wish my soul is formless and living amidst other formless souls, where only genuine feelings can be shared...
July 4, 1997
Some people refer to every acquaintance as a friend. I have never been so bold. An acquaintance is simply that until I discover that a mutual respect and admiration develops that compels two or more people to seek each other in a diversity of settings. Not simply because of some mutual benefit that is connected to business or an essential part of their life, but because of the individuals they are. Then, they are friends.
Needless to say, there are few people I call or have called friend. Over the course of my life time the number of acquaintances out numbered the friends many times over. But even a friendship can be a thing of impermanence. The best intentions in a relationship may turn sour or cool. When an acquaintance is lost, it is troubling. But to lose a friend due to the end of a relationship is heartbreaking. But oh how much more painful it is when a friend dies. To know that there will no opportunity in this lifetime to be close again.
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Dear Ron,
There is no disagreement here about the definition of a friend. Dahesh and myself are distinctly referring to friends and not acquaintances. Dahesh has a chapter in his book Words that talks about friendship and his personal experiences about the subject and the quotes that I have posted are from this book. Also, in his four-part series of Strange Stories and Wonderful Fables he talks about the deceit, hatred, jealousy, envy, and backstabbing of the so-called friends, but he also talks about stories of genuine friendship.
A friend can also be your spouse or any family member. It all depends on the relationship you had with this individual in past lives. Nothing is forgotten no matter how many millions of years elapse since your last encounter and when you meet again, things just click between you.
The loss of a genuine friend is very difficult. Dahesh had a wonderful friend named Khabsa and Dahesh mourned him dearly when he passed away. His book of Khabsa's mourning is called River of Tears.
Mounir Murad
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I most certainly understand and accept what you are saying. I too, may at times be considered naive. I prefer to think of it as gambling with trust. Trusting in the hope that the best will come from a friendship.
Yes, I have experienced deceit and backstabbing, but it was the risk I was willing to take. Even though the relationship was set aside, I am not sorry the friendship occurred. In each case I learned a great deal from everyone.
I have no animosity. If presented with the opportunity to relive my life, I might well follow the same path although I would make some alterations in those friendships. In some cases, I would have tried harder to prevent the friendship from ending and in others I would have simply minimized the damage.
I find no fault in what you are saying, but simply wish to expand the discussion for the readers. From what I have read of Dr Dahesh he was a true friend to many people.
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I hope you find my comment relevant.
I have given up both the idea that I or anyone else has "pure motives" and no agendas. We can only strive to have good motives and good agendas. I run for the hills when someone tells me they have "no agenda." They do not know what they are saying.
While it is often too much to ask us as individuals to assign equal value to the aspirations of others we do have it in our power to lend our assistance to the aspirations of others...and maybe we'll find down the line that we're all on the same network of roads that weave themselves to the same destination after all.
No. People and their agendas and schemes and plans are not really the problem here. It is the walls and the fences and the withholding of ourselves from others that is the basic problem.
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Dear Zionic,
In my opinion, genuine friendship is not built on agendas or ulterior motives. A genuine friend will give his/her life for you if need be. There is a saying that states if you are able to find only ONE genuine friend throughout your lifetime then you are lucky. Most people live and die without finding such a person. Is this view utopian? Yes, it is and that’s the point. In the absence of such utopian individuals, we are left to our devices trying to find out who in our life is genuine and who is not. Not to mention that people undergo changes and can easily turn on you.
The issue is when you place your trust in individuals that deep down in your heart you thought of as genuine friends, only to find out that they are out there to hurt you. I am not going to talk about the many encounters that I had with such individuals despite all the “lending of assistance to their aspirations”—as you stated. You are correct though about the walls and fences that people erect and that’s precisely the object of the poem.
Mounir Murad
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